i've got a plan (i've got an atlas in my hands)
by adecentname
Summary: where Rin has a secret not-so-secret blog, Len thinks she likes someone and suspects everyone and Luka thinks yoga would be beneficial for them. rin/len


unbeta-ed.

just wanna say thanks to those who read/review-ed and other stuff tsomhinr/anl i read them and appreciate your lovely comments. ((funny story that my calculator died today and wouldn't start even with a change of batteries. i must have been clearly panicking because a nice invigilator came and asked if i needed to borrow one. i know it's irrelevant but in the spirit of thanksgiving i'm very grateful to him :) )) have a great weekend ahead!

disclaimer: i don't own any characters.

* * *

It's a Tuesday night when Len finds out that Rin writes a blog. He's always known Rin to be secretive about her personal feelings and even aggressive when provoked ("You like him only for his looks." "No, his personality is pretty cute too." "Yeah, but you've only seen him around campus?" "Yeah and it's a shame that it isn't the case with you.") So when he hears her talking to Miku in the living room about updating her blog, he does a double take. Rin? Having a blog? That's new.

He crouches behind the sofa in the living room.

"Yeah, I mean like it's no big deal anyway. You're like the only one who knows of my blog, so going public doesn't make a diff, you know?"

"Yeah, but what if one day someone else finds it?"

Rin snorts and Len imagines her lazily waving her hand. "Like who? Len? Psh, all he knows to do is play his games and entertain himself."

Len feels his face flush at this and his heart pounds harder in his chest. What the _hell_? How did Rin know? He only ever did it when he was sure that no one else was home or when everyone else was asleep! Did she see him? Anxiety and embarrassment consumes his thoughts and he wants to run away and hide forever. This is too much, even that Rin has already pranked him since young.

Covering his face, he almost lets out a long and drawn out groan before he realises that if he isn't dead from embarrassment, he will be once they (Rin, mostly) find him eavesdropping on him. So he suppresses his feelings and waits.

"Hey, how do you know that?" Suspicion is laced in Miku's voice and he thinks that she would narrow her eyes at Rin. Yeah, Rin. How _do_ you know that?

"He isn't very quiet, it's surprising you guys can even sleep through his noises. God, it's terrible."

Now he knows he is ready to crawl and die in a hole.

"Listening in were you, Rinny?" Miku scoffs, "No wonder you don't care much for your blog's privacy."

"Whatever. Like I said, it's not a big deal. Are we going to watch Pitch Perfect or what?"

Len decides that the conversation is done and he should be leaving. He manages to crawl his way out of the living room without attracting unwanted attention and dashes into his room. He throws himself onto his bed and tries to sort out his thoughts. So Rin has a blog. That's cool. And her blog is now public. That's cool too. But she didn't tell him? That's not cool. Why would she tell _Miku_ and not _him_ , her best friend since they were in diapers? What, did she not trust him with what she wrote on her blog? Afraid that he would poke fun at her? (Not denying that he wouldn't, but still)

Len could ask Rin, but then he would die. He could otherwise ask Miku, who would not only refuse to tell him but also inform Rin of Len's newly acquitted knowledge of her blog, and _then_ he would also die. There was only one way to find out. They say that curiosity killed the cat, but Len isn't a cat.

* * *

"Len, I'm leaving with Miku now. Are you sure that you don't wanna join us?" Rin calls out, opening his door without bothering to knock and poking her head in. God, why does she _not_ do that?

"Uh," Len pretends to consider, tilting his head to the side for added effect. "No thanks, Rin. You two have fun without me, though."

Rin rolls her eyes and closes the door. He thinks he hears her mutter "Like I need you to tell me that." but he can't be sure, he's already thinking of executing his plan. He's even called it "Mission Impossible" because he is going to accomplish the impossible.

He is going to hack into Rin's laptop and read all her damn blog entries.

So he sits in his room, ears pressed to his room door and waits. He hears Miku and Rin bickering with Kaito about taking his car before the house falls silent, save for the television where Kaito is most probably seated across with a tub of ice cream in between his thighs.

The sound of an engine roars to life and then after a few moments, Len knows he is safe to go. He exits his room and makes his way over to Rin's room. He doesn't even try to open it, knowing that it's locked. Rin may enjoy invading other people's private spaces (or moments, his mind supplies helpfully) but she gets pissy when she's on the receiving end. Len reaches into his back pocket and fishes out a bobby pin he had stolen from her table while she was looking away, getting to work immediately.

Being a part of Rin's many pranks, some of which involved breaking into locked rooms, has made him sufficiently skilled at picking locks. However he still needed time to make it work. He's almost done when Kaito decided to get a new tub of ice cream before watching the next episode of America's Next Top Model, and obviously he spots Len kneeling at the keyhole of Rin's door.

"Len, what're you doing?" he asks, blue eyes staring at him with nothing but pure curiosity. Len scrambles to his feet quickly and strategically stands in front of the doorknob.

"Rin, uh, asked me to lubricate the hinges of her door. She says it's making too much noise for her liking."

Kaito visibly lightens up at that, and a smile grows on his face and he nods appreciatively. "Yeah, the thing's been quite annoying lately. Thanks man, Len. You're a real bro to have around." Kaito waves at Len before he leaves without batting another eyelid at Len. Len sighs, kneeling down again to finish the job. He didn't like lying to Kaito, but if the guy had known that Len was actually breaking into Rin's room he would've told Miku, who would've told Rin. And he would die. (Why does _everything_ end with him dying?)

It's for the best, Len convinces himself as he hears a click and turns the knob. The door opens with a quiet creak, protesting Len's intrusion. He doesn't care though, closing the door quickly and locating the Macbook Air rested in the middle of the pristine table. He takes large strides over and begins booting up her laptop. Time seems to slow down as he watches the laptop start, and he drums his fingers against the cold table. Should he really be doing this? The question echoes in his thoughts over and over again, making him drum his fingers faster. But when the laptop starts up to home page immediately without a password lock, he takes it as an affirmation and carries on.

Going to Chrome, he scrolls through her browser history. It's a short list for today, mostly spammed by Tumblr (he already knows that she must have been reblogging a lot of Chris Evans and James Franco, if her constant fangirling to him was anything to go by), but he sees a "livejournal" url with a weird name. He reads it over, trying to pronounce it.

"Acrylicshitstormfeels?" he snickers. That's _so_ Rin.

So he clicks on it, and it loads a mostly minimalistic blog design of gray words in white boxes. He looks around at her clean walls and neatly arranged books on her shelf (contrary to popular belief) and shrugs. Rin used to adorn her walls with many small light bulbs, wires and Polaroid pictures clipped onto it by wooden pegs, but he supposes that she eventually grew out of her hipster phase. He scrolls down past the advertisements and sees the latest blog post, excitement flickering in him. Time to read.

 _ **27 November**_

 _Yes, you can hold my hand_  
 _Cause I want to hold yours too_  
 _We'll be playmates and lovers_  
 _And share our secret worlds_

Len scratches his cheek in confusion. What? Never mind, he pushes the confusion to the back of his mind as he scrolls further down.

 _ **24 November**_

 _I do not love you for the way you kiss, though your lips they can put me at ease_  
 _And I do not love you for your sweet green eyes, though I love when they're looking at me_  
 _And I do not love you for the way your hands can touch me and quiet my soul_  
 _I love you for all of this and so much more_

Len reels back, eyes blinking at the laptop screen more than necessary to clear his vision. _Woah_ , since when did Rin get so _poetic_? He reads the paragraph again, making sure to double check each and every word in the sentence. To be very sure he's reading it in the correct context, he scrolls down even more.  
 _  
_ _ **17 November**_

 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again_  
 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again_  
 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am young again_  
 _Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again_

 _However far away, I will always love you  
However long I stay, I will always love you  
Whatever words I say, I will always love you_

Now Len is absolutely dumbfounded. His mouth goes dry and his brain is overheating, churning out too many possibilities for him to comprehend at the moment. He sits on her chair in silence for awhile staring blankly at the pixels that is Rin's thoughts and feelings, ones that she had never once mentioned or even _hinted_ about to Len.

Now Len feels slightly guilty for reading into her diary entries. He feels regretful that he didn't just wait for her to approach him first, like he would usually do. It feels too invasive for him to be in her room, much less read things like this. Len thinks he understands, but he couldn't. Not really. For one, Len doesn't have an online blog or diary where people can come snooping around. For two, even if he did, privacy was practically non-existent with the way that the other vocaloids pushed and pushed until they got answers. He loved them, but he doubted that they understood that he wanted to have his own space sometimes.

He leans backwards with a heavy feeling in his chest, running his hands down his face. This was so not what he had expected when he had first heard of Rin's blog. Sure, he'd anticipated some feelings-confession stuff, but not pining. And more importantly, on _who_? He had never seen her indicate interest towards anyone, so how is it that her recent entries are about longing for someone else? Was there something he was not seeing? Maybe he was overlooking it?

He notes down her blog url and shuts it down. As he heads back to his room, he hopes that he could shut his brain down before it overloaded with what ifs involving Rin and people who aren't him.

* * *

In the following few days, Len's senses are heightened and he becomes acutely aware of every move Rin makes and every glance she takes. He swears that he isn't being obvious by staring a hole through her head, but he thinks that everyone may have noticed his sudden change in behaviour. Luka throws him worried looks, asking if he's stressed or bullied by anyone in school. Meiko merely laughs it off, joking that puberty has finally hit him and now he's going through the emo phase which will pass over quickly (among other jokes about his height and squeaky voice, but no one pays attention to her). Kaito pats him on the back and offers to share his ice cream (and is visibly relieved when Len rejects his offer). Miku comes to him in private and offers a listening ear to his worries, which he declines politely. And Rin..

Rin gives him the look.

She stares at him with a guarded face, eyes hardened and lips turned down in a small frown. Her nose is scrunched and eyebrows furrowed together. She almost looks angry, but he knows that she isn't. Not completely, at least. Anger was just a defense mechanism of hers, and he knows her well enough to differentiate when which is deployed.

She doesn't confront him, so he carries on. He watches her interactions with others intensely, even more so than when Glenn fell from the rubbish bin on The Walking Dead or at the end of Inception, waiting to see if the totem had wobbled or not. This was more important, for obvious reasons being that Rin was his best friend, who is coincidentally his crush for the past year.

He didn't know how it happened, but it did. One day he was looking at her laughing and thinking that she was so cute, with her eyes in half moons and gummy smiles. And the next day he was looking at her laughing and thinking that she was so _cute_ , and he'd love if he could wake up to this sight every day for the rest of his life. He supposed it wasn't hard to understand, Rin was the most amazing person he had ever met anyway and probably out of his league. So when he found out that she was interested and pining for some unknown person, he felt his stomach fall and his soul become much heavier, weighed down by dread, sadness and jealousy.

Since that night, he had been religiously checking her blog for any updates and clues on who this person may be. He had also been analysing every word posted, turning it over and breaking it apart in his head. So far he had two things: she must have had a lot of alone time with that person, they have "secret worlds" and the said person has green eyes.

That immediately rules out Meiko, Luka and Kaito. His prime suspect is Mikuo, that flirtatious bastard always using his newest pick-up lines on her that, much to his utter horror, never failed to coax a giggle out of her. But with Mikuo out of town since the previous month and Rin's continued updates, he was beginning to doubt it was him after all.

He sits next to Rin at the dining table during dinner, debating about the issue that is Rin's secret not-so-secret crush when Luka raises a question. "So Miku, I heard that you and Rin are planning to go for yoga classes?"

"More like forced to, actually." Rin scoffs, sipping her water. "Miku thinks it could help me focus my thoughts."

"And calm your temper." Miku adds, pointing her fork at Rin. Rin huffs and picks up her spoon, poking at the potatoes on her plate.

Luka smiles at them, "It sounds like it would do the both of you some good." She looks down at her plate, about to eat her last spoon of rice and curried potatoes when she is hit by an idea. She gives Len a gentle look. "Maybe it would also do Len some good to join you as well. He seems a bit too tightly wound up lately, and I think that yoga is perfect to help him relax and unwind."

Len frowns. "I don't think I need it."

"No, I think you do." Miku opposed calmly, giving Rin a knowing look when she suddenly jumps in her seat and yelps loudly. Everyone stares at Rin and Miku like watching a fencing match, waiting to see who would make the first move. But Miku only glares at Rin, who finally picks a small potato onto her spoon and eats it.

Len takes in this scene, wondering what it was that he couldn't put a finger on. His mind was whirring and he becomes absorbed in his thoughts. Was he missing something? It was strange how the both of them had sent knowing looks to each other. An inside joke? That is plausible, they are best buddies (not best _friends_ , because Len is her best friend) and they hang out a lot. And then there's them going out alone more often than not recently...  
 _  
_ _Whenever I'm alone with you_ _._ _Share_ _our secret worlds._ _L_ _ove you_ _for your sweet green eyes_ _._

Len throws his head into his hands and groans loudly. If the other vocaloids didn't see him doing it at the table, they might have freaked out thinking it was an injured wild animal. But he groans loudly and it only rises in volume with time. Even though he can't see it, he feels everyone's attention on him now.

There is radio silence once he is done, and Rin is the first to speak. "Len," she asks softly in the tone she reserves only for him when he's crying or upset, "are you alright?"

He feels her hand gingerly touch his shoulders to reassure him but he recoils from it, shaking his shoulder away from her and standing up at once. The touch of her hand still burns on his skin, and he thinks it's too much to bear. Facing her, he sees hurt flash across her eyes before it is replaced by a stoic expression. He sees everyone look at him cautiously, as if he were waiting for his outburst or for him to swing him arm across the table and smash the cutlery against the floor.

He doesn't. Instead, he breathes out a shaky "I'm sorry, I just realised something." before he runs away from prying eyes, and into solitude in his room that greets him with open arms.

* * *

After his dramatic moment in dinner, Len ponders over the situation extensively for the rest of the week. He likes Rin, but Rin likes Miku and that is apparently reciprocated. He doesn't want to lose Rin but he can't be near her while he still wants more than to be just her best friend. The only viable solution left was for him to get over his feelings.

This sets plan B into motion: avoiding Rin for as long as it takes to get over her. Initially, it is met with many difficulties. Rin tries repeatedly to talk to him and understand what he had so 'realised' that unnerved him to that extent. When she approaches him, he excuses himself to other places. When she sits next to him, he shifts himself facing away from her. She knocks on his room door, but he has already locked it. She calls and texts him, leaving multiple voicemail apologising for things that weren't her fault. He reads and listens to all of them, but replies to none.

Eventually, Rin and the other vocaloids get the message and start to leave him to his own devices. Rin stops going near him, always opting for the farthest seat. She stops texting him or barging into his room, and he thinks he misses it but remembers that it'll be worth it in the long run. He misses her, but he doesn't want to miss her in the future by scaring her away with his feelings in the present.

So the interactions between them stop, but she still blogs, and he still reads them.

Her blog posts become evidently sadder. It was still pining, but no longer in a hopeful way.

 _ **5 December  
**_ _  
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missing home  
Only know you love her when you let her go  
And you let her go_

 _ **6 December**_

 _I have dreams about the days_  
 _Driving through your sunset breeze_  
 _But the first thing that I will do, is bury my love for you_

 _ **8 December**_

 _So baby packed up all she had, promised to never come back_  
 _She left me alone and without skin I could study about_  
 _Tiles get colder to touch, wood splinters metal will rust_  
 _But baby she had all my trust, and I guess that was never enough_

After every new post, Len finds himself growing more and more frustrated. He had given her the space to explore her relationship with Miku, he had backed off, so why was she still upset? Why was she still pining over Miku, when it was clear that Miku returned her feelings? He wanted to hurl his laptop against the wall because he felt that it was unfair of Rin to want a relationship with Miku, but expect Len to be happy for her when he still harboured feelings for her.

He covers his face with his pillow and screams into it, not caring if anyone else walks by his room and thinks that he is going mental. He was sure that by now most of them were convinced that he was going insane anyway, and he couldn't care less. He kept screaming and hitting the back of his pillow (stupidly punching himself indirectly) when he hears someone clear her throat next to his bed.

Oh _shit_.

He pulls the pillow away and sees Rin standing next to him, peering down at him nervously. She looks down at the carpet and rubs her feet at an old cola stain that Len had wanted to deal with months ago, but never got around to it.

"Your door was unlocked, and I knocked but.. you were busy." She mumbles. She looks up at him briefly. "I hope you don't mind."

 _Oh_ , so _now_ she cares whether or not he minds.

"Didn't know you cared, certainly never did before."

She flinches at the hostility and bite in his words, worrying her lip between her teeth and rubbing the carpet with reinvigorated effort.

"Len, I'm truly, _truly_ sorry if I had done anything wrong. I really don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. Look, can you forgive me and forget the whole thing and I promise that I will mind the boundaries next time?"

"Why?"

She looks up, taken aback. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

"I mean, why do you even _care_?" he says, gesturing vaguely at them. "Why do you care what we are? I'm backing off, I thought that _you'd_ be glad for it." he spits.

Rin looks confused, and she crosses her arms and shifts her weight to rest it on one leg. "What are you talking about, Len?"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. If she had pretended to be clueless, he would be less angry because at least then his words could still sting. But being totally unaware of what was going on made him snap because all of his pain was for naught. He feels anger pulsing through his veins and his heart hammering in his chest.

"I'm talking about you!" he shouts. "I'm talking about your crush on Miku. Why don't you just _confess_ and _get together_ with her already? Why do you have to _string me along_ knowing that you're hurting me?"

"Wha.. What? You think I like Miku? What even gave you that _ridiculous_ idea in the first place, Len? I have no freaking idea how you even came to that conclusion!"

"Because it's all over your blog and written in your body language!"

There is a tense silence where both of them are staring at each other in shock, breathing heavily from their impromptu yelling competition. Len can't believe what he has just told her. He wants to take it back, but it's out in the open.

Rin has a look of betrayal on her face, and it's a stab in the heart for Len. He had always been the one she went to crying, and he had never imagined that one day he would be the one to cause her to feel this way.

She takes a step away from him, exhaling a shaky breath before she falls backwards onto his carpet. He wants to get up and reach for her, to pull her into his embrace and whisper soothing words into her ears, but he pushes back that urge and remains seated on his bed.

"How long?" she chokes out.

"Two weeks." he admits. She doesn't look at him and he doesn't say anything more. Len plays with the frayed ends of his shorts to pass the time, while Rin only looks at his carpet, facing away from him.

It is a long time before the silence is broken again by Rin.

"It's not Miku." she says simply. Len does a double take.

"It's not?"

"It isn't."

He pauses, "If it's not her, then who is it?"

At this, Rin lifts her head to stare at him. He sees tears threatening to spill in those clear cerulean eyes, he sees her lips tremble and sees a light red colour on her nose. Her whole body screams vulnerability, and Len wants nothing more than to protect her. He wants to nuzzle her small nose with his own and kiss away her tears. He wants to run his thumb against her lips and plant seeds of love on them.

Oh, he thinks when everything falls into place. It's like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle of a night sky, where the pieces look the same but the wrong ones don't fit as snugly as they should. He finally gets it. All the moments of getting into his space, of asking him along for outings, choosing the nearest seat to him wherever, allowing him to see her cry and then those blog posts. _Oh_.

He sucks in a deep breath to gather his courage, crossing the room to kneel in front of her. He cups her face in his hands and traces circles on her cheeks with the pad of his thumbs as if she were fine China and he was a collector. His actions forces her to focus only on him, and her hands come up to hold his tighter against her face. She still looks scared, but a small smile plays on the corner of her lips when she mouths 'you'.

And then Len is closing the gap between her face and his, letting their lips meet in a long-awaited dance and tell a story meant only for them. It's slow, almost teasing, but it's perfect.

When they break away, they stare at each other not believing what had just happened before breaking into uncontrollable fits of laughter and leaning in again for another kiss. They slotted back into each other like jigsaw puzzles, finding their way back after many attempts to fit with others. It's weird, but it's them and he doesn't mind.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

* * *

( _**1**_ _ **4**_ _ **December**_

 _I will remember your face_  
 _Cause I am still in love with that place_  
 _And when the stars are the only things we share_  
 _Will you be there?_

Len wraps his arms around Rin and hides his face in the crook of her neck, planting butterfly kisses along the smooth skin exposed to him. Rin sighs and leans into his warm touch, pliant, eyes falling shut as pleased sighs escapes her lips. They're sitting pressed firmly together when Len pulls away slowly, fingertips trailing along her forearm, spelling out "Always" before whispering it to her. She believes him, she always will. )

* * *

if you're curious, the lyrics came from these songs (respectively):

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry  
Ron Pope - I Do Not Love You  
The Cure - Love Song  
Passenger - Let Her Go  
Jaymes Young - Moondust  
The Neighbourhood - Baby Came Home  
Benjamin Francis Leftwich - Atlas Hands


End file.
